Dancing With Myself

You know those guys who just want to plop in front of the plasma screen to watch"The Game" with a beer and some hot wings?  I am one. 

Only I plop in front of my little plasma screen to watch Dancing With the Stars with my brownie and liter of Evian. 

I really don't have the time to dedicate to this addiction.  I guess that's why it's an addiction.  Whatever.  I love it.  The only reason I would want to be famous is to get on DWTS.  I might just audition for the Bachelor in the hopes of getting on DWTS after America falls in love with me and the Bachelor breaks my heart. 

The medical community would refer to this "plan" as a delusion of grandeur.  And Dr. J (the BF--not my psychiatrist) would not find my plan amusing.  He would say "Well if that's what you wanna do....", which is absolutely a loaded statement. 

I'll stick to eating my brownies while I watch the sequins fly.  All in Hi Def with surround sound.

A Little Chick-lit Please

I have a long-term, possibly unhealthy relationship with the public library. I would consider it love-hate. Today it was both.

Since it's Spring Break, I wanted a fluffy little read. Although junk food is popular, especially in the rural South, junk reads are completely under-represented at the Guntersville Public Library. So, I preselected several options from the online catalog weeks ago. I knew what I wanted. They were all, of course, OUT. "Would you like to reserve one?" Um, no, do NOT call me on my cell phone to tell me the book I wanted is back in when the only thing I need to read is 12 chapters on calcium channel blockers. I just need a small fry and a Dr. Pepper for my brain! Now!

I considered indulging my craving elsewhere. Elsewhere meaning the Wal-Mart, since it's the closest thing to a bookstore in the county. Or....I could drive an hour to Huntsville! There's a Barnes and Noble!

No, I absolutely will not drive to Huntsville and BUY another book that I do not have anywhere to put. Look harder.

I did, and there in the large print section was a nice junky read with pink on the cover. Perfect! My fluffy little book is perched on my desk waiting to be devoured. It was even signed by the author. And it's all mine until 3/30/10, for free! I love the public library!

7 pages in I noticed a strange odor. Does this book smell like..Is that...cigarettes? Ughhh. I hate the public library.

Rufio, Rufio, Rufioooooo

On my little lakeside jog yesterday I overheard an extremely jaded high school chick telling her too kool for skool, slightly less jaded followers that so and so "Needs to grow-up and let go of her childhood". I'm probably taking this whole thing out of context, but that comment still made me think....

Do you remember when those girls in the grade ahead of you got too cool to smile? It was around 5th grade. Maybe I'm the only one that noticed because it made me think--"Do I smile too much...maybe it's more popular not to get excited over dumb stuff". Instead of adopting a permanently neutral expression, that was when I promised myself not to grow up. Maturity is a great (and necessary) quality. But, I think the ultimate realization of maturity includes recapturing aspects of your childhood.

It's not all about the rat race people. Don't forget the excitement you felt over things as a kid. Or how good it feels to play outside until it's time to eat dinner. Don't be too good to get your hair wet when you go swimming. It will dry. And it will probably look bad too. But your head won't be so hot, or sore from your pony tail.

As the future perfect parent (because I've got it all figured out...in THEORY), I think retaining a little piece of your childhood forever makes you a better parent. Things change so much, and the difference in perspective can make you forget how it felt once upon a time. People complain about not seeing eye to eye with their children, and I think some of that is because people totally forget what it's like to be a child.

Just let go...don't worry so much about what people will think. Pull your Umbro shorts up past your belly button. I double dare ya!

YEEEEAH!

The cherry trees aren't blooming yet, but it's getting close! I enjoyed running beside the lake today and getting some Vitamin D. I also put my Chacos on...Ahhhh! My toes are free to wiggle. My joy was short lived when I realized how gross my toes look. I'm a big DIY-er, but this may be a job for a professional. Hope you got to enjoy the beautiful weather too! Doesn't it make you miss walking on the Quad after dinner at the house?

P.S. Time changes Sunday! YEEEEAH! (Say that in a Lil John voice)

OMG!

I really try not to do things that rot my brain...like watch reality TV. But, I have a soft spot for Dancing With the Stars. So, I figured I should watch the Bachelor finale to hear the DWTS cast announcement. Then there's side benefit of preventing me from staring blankly at the next person who asks me says "OMG can you believe Vienna?!" while I think "Um. No? What happened to Austria's capital? I want to go there!"

Really it was all in an effort to procrastinate. Big test this week! Don't want to study! To take my procrastination to the next level, I decided to Wiki the DWTS "stars" I didn't know, starting with Chad Ochocinco.

Ochocinco...like 85...really? That can't be his name. (Born Chad Johnson). Wonder if he's number 85 ? (Yes).

Mr. Ochocinco changed his name in honor of Hispanic Heritage month in 2008. He plans to change his name to Chad Haichi Go for the 2010 season. Guess what Haichi Go means in Japanese??? Yep, 85. You must not have been watching reality TV either :)

No word yet on whether he will change his name to Acht Funf for Oktoberfest. I hope he does. What would you do if you were at Cracker Barrel and they called "Acht Funf--Party of 9--Acht Funf--your table is ready" I would get Mr. Acht Funf's autograph.

Training Day

Dear Internet,

I am sorry I have neglected you. I will do better.

That said....I am in a post-olympic depression! What will I watch? I already miss the pure olympic-ness of the Vancouver games. When else does the (almost) entire world come together for sport? I miss the olympic sized victories of athletes I knew nothing of before the games! Lindsey Vonn! Evan Lysacek! Kim Yu-Na! It makes my heart swell with pride thinking about the raw emotion and years of work that culminated while I sat on my couch and watched (thanks NBC).

I was inspired one day, and figured if Lindsey Vonn could win a gold with that shin I could run a mile in under 9 minutes. I did, and I fell over shrieking like Vonn did too. Long distance (mile=long distance) ain't my thing, so I'm going to the next bobsled test runs to try out for Team USA's Night Train. I saw Cool Runnings mon, I know how to bobsled. And with my cat like reflexes I'm so in the running for driver.

I'll see you in Sochi in 2014. Full-time bobsled training starts after I eat my Wendy's.

I'll never fall in love (with a radio station) again...

Well, it's been a while, and that's because a 12 page paper on asthma used up all my words last week and I can't type a sentence without trying to put a parenthetical citation at the end of it. It is with great sorrow that I inform you that.....

I'll Never Fall in Love Agaaiiiinnnnnn. My heart has been broken. My favorite radio station, Live 100.5, has been nixed. Citadel Broadcasting's greed came between us and Live 100.5 left me. I begged, I pleaded. But The Man wouldn't listen. Now Bert Bacharach is running through my head, and I am vowing to never fall in love (with a radio station) again.

I mourned, alone in my car, for a week. Today, I started dating again. It's a little soon, but I was getting desperate. My iTunes budget got slashed when I went back to school. So I listened to NPR. I'm not ready to hear the "BUY 1 KIA, GET 1 FREE!!!" commercials yet. Against all odds, things went well. We have another date tomorrow :)

I still won't fall in loooovvveee again, but I'll settle for infatuation or like at this point. I wonder if the right wing knows capitalism led me to the liberal NPR?

The Amazing Exploding Ink Pen

Well, I really did it up big today and washed the ink pen neatly tucked in my lab coat pocket...with some dress clothes. They were all gentle cycle ok!!! My clothes are fine. The drier was a major disaster.

Luckily Google saved me. I soaked a white towel in water and a little bleach then threw it in the drier for 15 minutes. GOOD AS NEW!!! Just dry out the drier before you use it so you don't have any more mishaps.

I know I am not the only person to do this. Keep this tip in mind for when you have your own drier explosion.

And always check your pockets.

Meatless Monday?

Lately I've noticed magazines suggesting Meatless Mondays because going one day a week without meat really decreases your exposure to antibiotics and hormones and all that gross stuff. Plus it's good for the environment because a pound of meat requires a huge amount of resources to produce. Anyways, I'm all over this trend because I don't really like meat much and I'm always needing new vegetarian recipes.

I wanted to do a Meatless Monday post and start posting the recipes I try. Considering it's Tuesday night, I may not be ready for that level of committment yet.

But, here's a recipe I thought of ALL by MYSELF! (Can you tell I'm proud?) It's a crazy easy recipe for one or many!

Black Bean Burritos
1 Whole Wheat Flat Out (Flat Bread that has a lot of protein/fiber--tortillas work fine too)
Black Beans (however many you want...I make 3-4 burritos per can)
Shredded Cheese
Lettuce
Publix Salsa (Publix has some AMAZING salsa they make. Homemade is great if you're an overacheiver.)

I put the tortilla on a plate and throw some beans and a sprinkle of cheese on. Then I microwave it for about 45 sec. Sprinkle some lettuce on. Then smother it in salsa.

I hope you try it and enjoy!

When the Roof Caves In

I hate disappointment. I hate being disappointed more than being steaming mad (which Pretty Mary K can tell you does happen). Anyways, I had a little bit of a disappointing week. Nothing earth shattering (the roof did not cave in, that song is STUCK in my head), but something didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. Although...there is a glimmer of hope that it just might turn out better than I ever expected. For now, I'm a little dejected, a little disappointed, and trying to be a little hopeful. Yeah, yeah...I know "things work out the way they're supposed to..." and all that. I believe it too. Sometimes I just have to remind myself through brute force though.

So, I'm off to throw myself a pity party on the treadmill. Then, I'm going to irradiate myself in the cancer box and pretend I'm at the beach. Whatever it takes, right?

P.S. I've crossed from disappointed to mad that it looks like this ALL the time! Come back to me sunshine! I neeeeeeed you.

The Greatest Generation

Today, I met a Jewish lady that successfully escaped Nazi Germany. She had to hide under her neighbors' floors and in crawl spaces while the Nazis searched for Jews. She is still very scared of the dark from hiding--terrified--in tiny, dark places. She sleeps with a night-light every night. I'm scared of the dark too. I used to hide in tiny, dark places, hoping my cousins wouldn't find me so I could win Hide and Go Seek and not have to be "IT". How different were our childhoods? If you had to hide from Nazis to save your life, could you? If you successfully escaped, would you even be functional again?

I think I'm a weakling. I think we are all weaklings. Most of my generation knows nothing of this kind of fear. Ask your grandparents about the Great Depression or WWII. There's a reason Tom Brokaw calls them "The Greatest Generation".

I guess, like everything else, they don't make people like they used to.

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State of the Union

I just watched the State of the Union address, and much to my surprise, President Obama did not bring up the infectious plague that is sweeping across America and slowly rendering Americans' brains useless. It's addictive, highly contagious, and grows more virulent every day. By now, I'm sure you realize I'm speaking of reality TV. Dun dun duuuuunnnnnn. While MTV and E! might be the primary modes of transmission, TLC spreads a rare and severe variety of the disease titled "I'm Homeless and Pregnant." Yes, it's a real TV show. Yes it features real, live, homeless and pregnant women. No, I don't know why you would want to watch it. I'm just going to hope the producers know where the state welfare office is, understand WIC, and directed their rising stars in that direction with a big fat check and some major life skills in hand. You really do need a license to parent (or create a TV show)...but that's another post.

Also, consider helping the homeless through an organization like Jimmie Hale Mission that provides shelter and training for the homeless to help them find employment!

Can't Touch This

I probably owe an apology to the good people that frequent the gym I use. On Friday night, I may have behaved in an inappropriate fashion. I was in a rotten mood, and midway through my 60 minute workout/long-winded prayer became extremely giddy. I cranked up my iPod, and located my most obnoxious playlist. I lost myself in the music of Sussudio by Phil Collins, only found myself singing loudly (and off key) while running on the treadmill. I later found out I sang the whole chorus out loud. I blame my noise cancelling headphones for that mishap. I decided a change of genre was in order and skipped over to Rick James. That led to multiple attempts at perfecting my MC Hammer-like spin moves while running on (er, falling off) a treadmill. Fortunately the only people who work out on Friday nights are body builders and they're too busy staring at their biceps to notice me flopping around in the corner. Unfortunately, the gym staff reviews the closed circuit TV footage. Alas, you tell me how to listen to Superfreak and run in a straight line. It can't be done.

Maybe I should join this gym?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTAAsCNK7RA

In the beginning...

I heard blogging makes dreams come true. I'm not convinced. Initially I was opposed to blogging because blogs used to be described as "online diaries", which is a terrible definition. It implies that you write PRIVATE things in your diary, then PUBLISH it on the web for randos to read. What moron does that? Just give your little brother the key to your analog diary if you want public humiliation. Plus I lead a sketchy life and don't want people to know what I'm doing all the time. But it turns out that's Twitter's job, and this blog can be so much more than my daily schedule. So, when I heard blogging makes dreams come true, I decided to give it a chance. Incidentally, I hate the word "blog". It sounds offensive. Hopefully I can refer to *that word* by using a pronoun, or even the dreaded "online diary" from now on. So, I've got a web log....get ready for some unsolicited advice, complaining, personal opinions, and hopefully a rare tidbit you'll enjoy.

Oh, and where did I hear that blogging will make your dreams come true? cjane of course.

P.S. As I write this, I'm totally envisioning my high school English teacher wildly slashing through my post with her red pen. She would so disappointed at my utter lack of consideration for the English language. So disappointed that she might use the dreaded green pen. When things got really bad, she used the green pen to keep from completely destroying our egos. Dear Lord, please do not let Mrs. Moore be a blogger. Ever.